slept till noon today. no reason.
“furor. fuhrer. they sound the same. ha. the furor over the fuhrer.“
–these are the words i woke up thinking today.
other early morning thoughts i’ve had while lying in bed recently:
“i can’t believe that was billy elliot in king king. his name was in the title! he was the title character. who else has played roles where their character’s name is in the title? robin williams was jack in ‘jack.’ julia roberts was erin brockivich. robin williams was mrs. doubtfire. he was in ‘hook’ too. but hook was dustin hoffman, so that doesn’t count. and he was mork in ‘mork and mindy.’ good lord, what is it with robin williams and being the title character?
“it smells like bacon in here. how can it smell like bacon if we’re both still in bed? we don’t even have bacon. we never buy bacon anymore. so why does it smell like bacon?“
i often wake up shaking my head at the thoughts running through my head. no reason you shouldn’t be shaking your head as well.
what was i dreaming about? i have no idea.
sleep is my refuge. whatever dreams i have i never remember. i only need a few moments to be fast asleep, snoring (i’m told) like i’ve been asleep for hours. r.e.m. kicks in fast. where do i go? i have no idea. but i am far far away from everything here in the real world, in my life.
it’s nice, i guess. more of an oblivion than anything else.
or maybe that’s not true. maybe it’s more like a vacation that i just don’t remember. i do like to sleep.
when i wake up, i shoot out of bed. i’m not the kind of guy who lies there thinking about…whatever people lie in bed thinking about. my mind goes off and my body is ready to get up and get going. what’s the point of lying here, it asks. let’s do something!
the gap between my sleeping life and my waking life is wide and strange.
Filed under: mood
i love thursdays, because i can really savor the start of the weekend before the weekend actually hits. with all this time between weekends, a good portion of it spent all alone, i tend to start drowning in all the giants empty gaps in my social life /life in general.
what is time?
it’s confusing when the day ahead looks like it will never end, but the past week (and yeah, even the past MONTH) seems to have gone by in a blink. one minute it feels like the weekend will never come, and then suddenly it’s here, and it feels like just yeasterday you were dreading being alone all day monday.
unemployment is weird.
time is relative. or at least the feeling of time. the clock ticks the same amount of time no matter where you are or what you’re doing.
have you ever looked out the car window on the highway, and looked at the little yellow lines on the road? they’re whipping by so fast they can blur into one big yellow line. but look off into the distance, at the mountains, or the fenceposts keeping the cows inside. they’re moving so much slower, if at all. and yet you’re going the same speed.
that’s time for you. strange and relative, and as bound by your perception as anything else.
still–looking forward to the weekend, cause it means more people to hang out with.
Filed under: mood
i know what a midlife crisis is now.
it’s looking in the mirror and seeing someone much older than you. it’s thinking you’re still twenty when you’re really twice that. it’s seeing young businessmen that couldn’t be more than 25 and thinking, “ooh, i hope i don’t grow up to be like them.” it’s calling the guy who was snotty to you at BestBuy “old” and then realizing he was probably about your age. it’s wondering if everyone realizes that you’re still “young at heart” or if you really do need that wacky t-shirt to remind them, and how pathetic that would be if you did.
it’s realizing that you will never play forward for your favorite basketball team, and can’t even jump high enough to touch the rim anymore. it’s wondering why you haven’t found something “grown up” to do with your life, and then wondering who said you had to anyway.
i think that’s the thing that bothers me most. at 34, i am starting to feel badly that i don’t have my “long term” “career” figured out and my “grownup” phase dully initiated, even as i acknowledge that none of those things were things i wanted in the first place! i feel bad for not having something i don’t want?
fuck you, society!
by the way, can i borrow some money?
INT. MEN’S RESTROOM – EVENING
GUY #1: Dude, you going to class tomorrow?
GUY #2: I don’t know, man.
GUY#1: What are you doing tonight?
GUY #2: I don’t know.
GUY #1: HALOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
hey.
sorry i haven’t been around much lately.. it’s been absolutely crazy over here.
i’ve had, like, no time. it seems like everything is coming at me from all sides. between the sleeping until i’m ready to get up, the drinking coffee while catching up on all the news and blogs, i just can’t seem to find the time to get everything done. i haven’t even had time to look at the latest issue of The Onion that i picked up this weekend (how was your weekend, btw?) hell, i’ve neglected to even change my sudoku of the day calendar, much less to do the sudoku!
it’s THAT nuts!
seriously. it’s like every ten seconds i have to refresh my browser to see if i’ve received an email, or there’s a new article about the mavericks basketball game i watched last night (we won! yay!) or the future of the nba playoffs, or something. which leaves me very little time for blogging, or looking for a job (god bless you craigslist, but who can check you every day?!?!?!?) i mean really!
yeah, the waking up, the eating, the feeding the dogs–who have to be let in and out several times a DAY–the internet…it’s all so much to handle. sometimes i just don’t know how to cope. sometimes, i have to step away and play a little playstation basketball, just to regain my sanity. and don’t get me started on the long, arduous, lonely trek i have to make to the mailbox every day. it’s great cause it lets me know i’m still alive, you know, but it’s like every…day? and all the while, the tivo builds up with jon stewarts and stephen colberts! and did i tell you that i got another magazine today? can you believe that?
so i’m sure you can understand why my writing presence has been so…shall we say, sporadic?–lately. but i really am doing my best. and now that my dryer has broken down, that’s just one more thing to add to the list. shall i even mention getting to the gym or mowing the yard? oh why can’t there more hours in the day?!?
i can’t even write about it anymore. i’m exhausted after thinking about it all. i think i need a nap.
when b. asked me to stop snoring, i turned over, played the “butt bongos” on her (“kinda hard”), for five or six seconds.
when asked about it (and called a few names), i [allegedly] responded with drowsy mumbles, then rolled over and went back to sleep.
wonder what kind of dream i was having…
