i know what you’re thinking right now.
you’re thinking, “this here is the kind of guy who might, when trying to spice up some microwaved tomato bisque, might open the wrong hole on the pepper can and accidentally dump a whole load of it in, thus ruining his soup. though, come to think of it, he might try it to see if it’s salvageable before throwing it out.”
well, you’re wrong. i wouldn’t try it. i would know enough to just throw it out.
but if you’re not thinking that–if you’re thinking to yourself, “tomato soup just never fully mixes with the water when being warmed in the microwave, and thus the stove top is soooo much better,” then…well, wow, i STILL know what you’re thinking.
if you’re not thinking that, then i ask you: why not?
Filed under: l.a.
my friend didn’t know what dish to order. so my friend said to the waiter, “opinion:…”
the waiter responded “george bush sucks.”
i guess i will miss l.a. a little bit.
hey man. how’s it goin’? what’s been up?
yeah? cool. nice.
me? oh yeah, you know. just got back from austin. i bought a house.
BOUGHT A HOUSE, man. yeah.
yup, looks like i’m moving.
well, you know, the whole thing has gotta fall into place, you know? like, the moys’ all agreed on, but the contracts, the financing…have to have the place inspected, make sure it’s not gonna fall down the minute i move in, you know? i still have a couple of weeks to back out, if i have to. but you know, so far…yeah, that’s the plan.
yeah, if everything goes well, i will be moving to austin at the end of june! JUNE! can you believe that shit?!? i know, it IS coming up fast.
well, anyway, i can’t really talk, i have mortgage proposals to look at, and i’m helping brandy try and find a sub-renter to finish out the last two months of her lease, so we can get out of here without paying a mint in deposits, you know? hey, speaking of that, if you know anyone who needs a place, let me know, ok?
yeah, and tomorrow, i’m off to florida for a week. so i’ll probably be off the map a little while longer, then come back, start packing, and get out of this place.
can you believe it!
just like that.
talk to you soon.
Filed under: mood
“today is your day!” whispers a note taped to the bathroom door.
“1 more year, 1 bajillion smiles!” says a note on the door of my apartment.
“you are getting better with age!” crows the mirror over my desk.
on the dogs’ food bowls: “happy birthday gorgeous!”
“can’t wait to see 34 years of hot!” from thefridge.
“you’re the sexiest birthday boy!”
the coffeemaker says, “it’s not my birthday, silly! but you’re the best present ever!”
guess what? it’s my birthday.
“i wish i could spend the day with you,” apologizes a note taped to the remote.
yeah. me too.
i know it’s no big deal. this birthday doesn’t have any zeroes in it. i don’t know why it’s such a big deal to feel lonely on your birthday. i guess because i have this whole “i’m a tragic hero” paradigm where i am always the soldier suffering in silence, the lloyd dobler with the boombox over my head, being ever ignored. even when i know it’s not true, i cast myself in that role.
the tragic hero. some would call him “the victim.”
i know this won’t last. never does. the light is there, at the end of the tunnel. there’s a mavs game tonight (“what’s your favorite thing to do?” asked b., the [perfectly-gorgeous-herself] writer of those notes, and all i could think was, watch basketball), and b. will be home after that. i won’t be alone forever. people with things like, oh, i don’t know jobs, and lives have to go do them, after all, don’t they?
and tomorrow we’re off to florida. which will be very nice.
so it’s up to today to document this transitional time and fleeting emotion that i know has nothing to do with reality and everything to do with the fact that a pity party is the only kind i ever throw for myself.
and that’s a cycle that should end.
let’s take a moment and think of things less…life-changing..
like pink’s hot dogs. seriosuly, what is the deal with pink’s? the little stand always has a line of at LEAST twenty people. waiting in line. for a HOT DOG. what’s the big deal? when i moved here, the only thing anyone said was “that’s where bruce willis proposed to demi.” and i thought, “hm, that’s funny.” and that was it.
the one time i had a hot dog (there was no line, i don’t know why [and by 'there was no line,' i mean there was only about fifteen people ahead of me]), i sat in the back on the tiny patio and bit into it, and it exploded. like a tiny meat explosion in your mouth. which sounds like a marketing thing, like somehting to be promoted, but believe me, it ain’t. you have to saw your teeth to break the skin and then liquid meat shoots into your mouth. not pleasant.
(i think i just made myself a little queasy. sorry.)
but i don’t think i’ve ever passed the place where there wasn’t a line like i see in old footage of russian bread lines.
and those people were starving.
Filed under: mood
i’m getting older. this doesn’t freak me out.
i don’t really look older. i certainly don’t act older.
but i am older.
and in a few days, i am taking a plane to fly to a town to look at houses. to buy.
buying a house. wow. right?
so maybe i am acting older. and i’m certainly moving.
this freaks me out a little.
i know nothing is irrevocable. nothing i am doing can’t be undone or changed. so i should not think of it like that. and for the most part (i.e. CONSCIOUSLY), i don’t.
i am having a birthday soon. that’s all right with me.
maybe it’s time for a mohawk.
i remember the water park.
what was it called then? white water? wet ‘n’ wild? raging waters? i remember there were many names. a couple of parks going through many different owners, many different names.
i remember going there with my mom, so i must have been younger. like, let’s say ten. coulda been a little older, but much older and this story gets too embarassing to tell.
i remember the “das stuka.” i believe that was the name. it was a really steep water slide. you just laid down, crossed your legs, and let two eighteen-year-old kids push you down a chute that’s pretty much three stories of freefall. then it ramps back down and you coast across the water for about three seconds, and sink down into the pool about fifteen feet away. it looked fun.
i remember talking my mom into taking me on it. i remember the spiral staircase, waiting in line for half an hour, inching up one step at a time. i remember being almost to the top. i remember being excited.
i remember holding my mom’s hand as i looked down the cute.
i remember crying and telling my mom i didn’t want to go.
i remember walking back down those stairs, past all the people waiting in line. i remember the embarrassment. the shame.
i am in the midst of doing something big. and while each little step doesn’t seem too bad, i can’t help but wonder if when i get to the jumping-off point i will be able to take the plunge.
i hope i’m not in over my head.
(p.s. happy mother’s day, moms.)
winter doesn’t seem to want to let loose its icy grip on my town.
ok, well, perhaps i’m being a little dramatic, as winter here in los angeles has never brought ice. or really, anything below 50 degrees.
but i tell you, the clouds all over the place, blocking the sun, never letting it get above 65 or 70, keeping it just a bit too cool for shorts…i’m not happy about all this crappy weather.
(“crappy” being a relative adjective, in this case. sorry those of you in alberta. i’m sure it’s worse there.
[but then, that's why i don't live there.])
