Filed under: mood
it’s the name of the game at this point. sure, i have my fun times, i have my bored times. i play too much video games, watch too much television. i lay around with my girlfriend all the time. i rarely get out and DO anything. sometimes it’s the best thing in the world, and sometimes, i would give an eye (not mine, but somebody else’s–someone i don’t know…) to have something better to do in(/with) my life. whatever.
but i have to admit, the lease is coming due soon, and the future demands i choose a path.
and i gots no clue.
the city of los angeles has no time for me anymore. neither i for it. it’s true. especially in this rainy season, i have no wish to be here. the work exists, if i would only look for it. but of course, i hate looking for it. i hate the phone calls to people i haven’t talked to in so long. feels too much like grovelling. begging for work.
so time to move on? do i hear the cry of another city? new york? is that you?
but then, what would i do there? why would i move back there? is i like the city enough of an answer? is it fair to move somewhere with no idea if you can survivie there financially, and worse, not knowing if it’s a step backward in your life? do i want to cultivate a career in the film industry, where it is even more competitive than here? and you know how competitive I am.
only a year ago, i had a plan. i wanted to leave the u.s. behind and teach english. a free ticket to travelling the rest of my life. something i wanted to do, and the way to do it. it was all set.
but i wanted more, didn’t i? i wanted to be part of a couple, to love and feel loved, to feel like there was someone there for me, in whose eyes i was The Best. now i have that. and it’s unbelieveable. no question about that. the nicest thing in the world.
but now, what of the other part of my life?
i’m lost in the woods, now knowing which way to step. fearing that any step might be a step further away from my goals. frozen in place, afraid to take even. one. step.
so here i sit.
any step is better than none. i know this.
but in which direction?
ah, maybe i’ll just go watch the new flaming lips video.
Filed under: random
i think i used to enjoy chewing gum a lot more when i was younger. now i want to spit it out in about five minutes–the second it starts getting a little tough to chew.
have i grown up? or is my jaw just getting old?
imagine this.
imagine that you are backpacking across europe. you are off the beaten path, taking advice on where to go only from other backpackers you encountered in your various low-budget hostel-type accomodations. each person told you some smaller town in the middle of nowhere. and the more backwoods you went, the more remote the recommendations were, and the more hardcore the travellers were, and so the smaller and smaller towns were your destinations.
imagine that after a month of this, you have found yourself in the middle of some small eastern european country you had never really even heard of, in some small town that only has one train per day coming in and out, and you have ended up there on some national holiday, so you are stuck there in the middle of some festival. the town was booked solid (there being only one or two small hotels within your budget), so you have ended up sleeping on a bench in the park, using your backpack as a pillow. you slipped your hand through the strap so no one could take it from you.
imagine that night, waking to what sounds like an army marching by. imagine that when you opened your eyes, you saw a mini-parade of wagons and horses, like some sort of old time travelling circus. some people walking, some people riding, some men, some women, some babies in some arms. just silently passing through the town. an old man in a wagon plans an accordion as they go by.
this is too interesting (and too loud) to sleep through, and so you throw your backpack on and join the group, wondering where they’re going, and hoping to get some good pictures. you walk beside a guy with a waxed moustache and a puffy shirt.
you have just had the (good?) fortune to run into a family of gypsies.
they only walk another mile or so, out into the woods surrounding the town. they circle their wagons and make camp. they build a fire.
what you find out in sitting around and chatting with just about anyone that will sit near enough to notice that you’re an outsider is that this is a special holiday for the gypsies as well. it is a commemoration of the first diaspora over 700 years ago. the old man, the patriarch, has decreed that they would have a big celebration, and other gypsy families are meeting here as well for what will be the biggest gypsy party EVER.
you decide to stay a few days, until the party, and for whatever reason, they allow that.
in the next few days, you make a few friends and try to earn your keep (or at least be allowed to stay) by helping with chores and whatever else. basically, whenever you see the guys your age in a group going somewhere, you go with them. and when they chop wood, or whatever, you do it too. no one tells you to stop, so you start to feel like you’re blending.
imagine that the next couple of days you see more and more gypsies arriving until there are literally THOUSANDS, all dressed in their own old-world styles.
turns out the guy you first saw, with the waxed moustache, has returned from america just for this occasion, and since he speaks perfect english, you end up hanging out with him a lot. he tells you what’s going on most of the time. he also tells you he’s in a band back home. a punk band. you find this interesting.
the night arrives. you are watching as a bonfire is built. the party has started. there is dancing, and drinking, and lots of colorful clothes. the women wear large earrings and scarves. the men wear puffy shirts and little pieces of netting around their pants. there are many moustaches.
the party rages on for three days. no one sleeps. every night the party gets crazier. the people get more excited.
around three am on the third day, you notice that your friend with the moustache has joined the band. the old man with the accordian is there, a fiddle player has joined. some girls have started playing percussion, beating on big drums. one of the girls has a washboard she scrapes to the beat. they have been playing lots of traditional stuff, but now that he has strapped on his guitar, a more rock vibe has started to emerge in the rhythm.
the punk element starts to peak through. the band is going with it. the tempo is picking up. this is starting to sound like music you would listen to back home.
imagine that the band really strts to Get It. they play their hearts out. people start dancing even harder than before. they are jumping up and down. the guy starts to sing. he belts out lyics like he’s mad at someone.
Frenzy is the only word you can think of to describe the crowd. they have squeezed in closer, chanting and pumping their fists. it’s getting rowdy now. at one point, the guy puts his guitar down and jumps into the crowd. at another point the girl puts her big drum on the outstretched hands of the crowd, then jumps on top and plays it while riding over them.
these guys fucking ROCK.
you have never felt so lucky in all your life as you do at this moment.
[this is the only way i can describe the gogl bordello show. see their show at least once in your life. i highly recommend it.]
Filed under: Uncategorized
if i like it, it must be good for me.
right?
so post a picture, and see if i like it.
bam. questions answered in seconds…
